mtv at 12
mtv at 12
Aug. 31, 2005, 9:45 pm
saw these lyrics somewhere and i realised i totally remembered the whole song. i kinda like these lines.
so i got under a bus
i got hit by a train
i keep falling in love
which is kind of the same
god i love those late 90's songs. or was that in '00? whatever.
brings back images of a 12-year-old me sitting in front of the telly, clandestinely watching mtv and eating captain crunch and maggi mee, grateful for those couple of hours to be home alone.
i don't wish for those days again (7 to 13 was an awful age to be) but hey, it's nice to visit once in a while.
psychic launchcast!
Aug. 25, 2005, 10:45 pm
launchcast once again proves to be bloody psychic!
was surfing a website on the strokes and i had 'when it started' playing in my head and i was drumming my fingers to it on my table and then launchcast played it!!!
the smallest things perk me up these days eh
just bloody tired
Aug. 24, 2005, 11:40 pm
i will not, though i want to.
arent a lot of things in life like that?
i want to, but i cannot.
happens most times, doesnt it?
i want to, but i don't want to want to.
rolls around the tongue in a most fetching way. most desires are illicit, arent they?
i'm tired of wanting so much, i'm tired of unfulfilled desires and unrealised dreams, i'm tired of having to deny what i want, i'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting what i want.
but most of all i am tired of hope. it's only because of hope that all of this has dragged on longer than it should. if i could banish it then six weeks is enough time for closure, for moving on, for giving up.
and pretending is a very exhausting business, too.
-
Aug. 22, 2005, 8:37 pm
walking up the stairs to my tuition kid's place, it just hit me: there's so much that i want to be part of that i'll be leaving behind, and it leaves me feeling so bereft it's almost more than i can bear. the thing is, i see myself as part of it. i want to be part of it. that's how life should have, would have unfolded for me.
that's what i wanted my life to be like, how i saw it, how i want it to be. want, not wanted.
yes i am itching to get on a plane, yes i do want to see what it's like in the uk. but that's just the wanderlust. i want to spend the next three years of my life here. living in hall. walking to lectures in shorts and flipflops. jogging up, down, all around kent ridge. gathering in a large clamourous group talking, laughing, eating. driving around. meeting people for coffee on weekends. playing volleyball on the beach. clubbing without having to watch my drink. seeing friends, meeting friends of friends, getting to know funny, crazy, funky people. going to the esplanade to sit by the big windows; driving along the ecp at night.
all this i could do if i stayed.
and i want to go to the uk, i do. i just dont want to stay.
i cant say goodbye; i dont want to, and actually, maybe i didnt even need to in the first place. there's everything to stay for, and nothing to make me go.
long. ing.
Aug. 11, 2005, 11:55 pm
sweet like candy to my soul
swwet you rock and sweet you roll
lost for you, i'm so lost for you
and you come crash into me
the dave matthews band
the middle finger to red tape!
Aug. 10, 2005, 11:53 pm
stupid visa apps *mutter* boo to red tape. i never thought a visa application would or could be this hard. 5 people went today, of which only 2 applications were forwarded to the high comm. and out of the 2, one was a second-time application. you get the idea. they're so fastidious, rigid, unbending and fussy it boggles the mind. and some of the questions on the form are laugh-out-loud funny.
"have you ever been concerned in the commission, preparation, organisation or support of acts of terrorism, either within or outside of the United Kingdom, or have you been a member of an organisation which has been involved in or advocated terrorism in furtherance of its aims?"
"yes ma'am, and that's why i'm applying for a visa to enter the country. say... you don't think it's going to be a problem, do you? but you know, i try to be as honest as i can"
why ask a question that already has only one answer? well okay, there're actually two answers. but you're only ever going to get one anyway. so why bother?
ANYWAY after the botched visa attempts we went to STA to get the ISICs done. it's nubbad, i have to say. 15 bucks was a bit steep for the card cos it was the kind where you put your photo below and peel off the top sticker and voila (!) there's your card but owwell. it actually looks quite nice. oh and i did some enquiring about flights. i'm gonna fly emirates! whee. it's just a matter of when i book the ticket and which flight i book.
i can choose to fly at 0030, 0210 or 0325 on the 5th of october, but either way i'll land at manchester at 1215 the next day. that's because the midnight flight has an additional stopover at colombo (both flights transit at dubai). truth be told, i dont understand how it works. so you're going to have 3 flights descending on manchester airport at the same time at noon on thursday bearing passengers from singapore and dubai (and okay, maybe colombo too)? i didnt quite realise how popular manchester is. enough to fill 3 flights? makes you wonder eh.
what's most important though, is that emirates has INDIVIDUAL SCREENS. yes i cannot stress that more. what bliss. i nearly died on the 7-hour flight to korea from a severe lack of entertainment and sleep, which shouldn't have been the case because sleep should really be inversely proportional to entertainment, but it never works out that way for me. the in-flight movie was the princess diaries. so i became bored, sleepless and irritated. what's my point here? with my own individual screen i can watch the movies i want, switch back and forth between music videos and episodes of friends and frasier, and indulge in the occasional game of cave crunch or bzzz the busy bee (yes i've been checking out their inflight entertainment). and before i know it, 16 hours will have passed! and i'll land sleep-deprived no doubt, but spry and energetic and maybe with a little gleam in my eye (the television screen still reflecting off my irises or something).
haha okay, okay i'll admit--- the excitement's starting to build.
now if they'll just grant me my visa!
divinely blessed, though undeserving
Aug. 03, 2005, 10:19 pm
I GOT THE YORK BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT SCHOLARSHIP!!! haha even though it's just a small sum (1K in pounds given annually, which works out to be about 3K here) it's a definite help and i'm mighty pleased about it because i certainly wasnt expecting it. hell i didnt even send in my 'A' level cert, i just told them that i got BBBC and wrote a short paragraph on why i wanted to do biology in york (they didnt give space for an essay) and i sent it in, everything messily handwritten and sent in after the deadline, and i got it nonetheless.
i know it's only a bit and it's not prestigious or anything but i mean, it feels good. and i definitely didnt deserve it. i mean, 3Bs and a C. i was thinking they'd be looking at it and regretting giving me an unconditional offer. and even until now i keep thinking stuff like what if they only gave it to me cos like only 3 people applied? or what if they gave it to me more out of sympathy that i didnt seem to have enough to cover my fees and living expenses? but i'm not going to think about it anymore; thank you God, once again You've opened a window though the door has closed.
i'm so blessed, and so undeserving.
8 more weeks to departure! the excitement has *just* begun to creep in. visas and plane tickets by next week, i hope.
the melancholy death of oyster boy
Aug. 02, 2005, 11:31 pm
spent a good one-and-a-half hours at kino today. nearly bought about a hundred bucks worth of books but i stopped myself in time and got only two... a year in the merde (this hilarious, witty, laugh-out-loud semi-autobiographical novel about a brit in france) and the melancholy death of oyster boy, this whimsically dark little volume by tim burton. i've been wanting to get my paws on that for a bloody long time, so i'm pleased as punch that i've finally gotten it. wanted the cloth-bound hardcover but it was 16 bucks extra so i settled for softcover. was also coveting this slim little book of seuss-isms (dr seuss is brilliant and i think he should be made mandatory reading for kids) but it was 14bucks and way too dear for such a little book. and of course, there's the ewan mcgregor one... he spent a year travelling the world by motorbike and co-wrote a book on it. i think i'll actually go back tmrw and get it. yeah. there's a lot more that i wanted. 4 to 5 more, i think. and of course, plenty more that i didn't allow myself to want. i'd really love to win one of those prizes where you get to shop for free for an hour and keep everything you manage to buy within that hour. i mean, i'd be shameless about it. absolutely shameless. hell i'd probably go in with a ready-made list, spend 45 minutes just running around getting everything on it and leave the last 15 minutes for last-minute purchases of whatever catches my eye.
much thanks to michelle who treated us to dinner at her mom's cafe-- good food, great time. bit of an echoey place though, so we had to shout a lot. ha. but it was great fun. i'll miss you malley! and you *do* have a come-hither look (and a mighty fine one, at that), it's just that you dont realise you're giving it. my dad was pissed at me when i got home, though. upset that i skipped french. i mean, it's not like i regularly skip french it's just that it's happened to be two tuesdays in a row, but since i started in january i think i've only skipped about 5 lessons (which is very little, considering that lessons are twice weekly and i've been attending it for 8 months) so it's fair enough. plus it's my money i'm wasting cos i paid for the lessons. so why get pissed?
accommodation forms have been sent! *please let me get james please let me get james please let me get james* alcuin would do fine too. just not goodricke. no. nor vanbrugh. not derwent, either. or langwith.
whee.
bloody hilarious
Jul. 25, 2005, 8:20 pm
i know some people read this as entertainment at work (yes the country pays you to blogsurf!) and i know abovementioned people (or person) would likely be in need of much entertainment right now, so here you go. glad to bring a smile to your face this monday evening/tuesday morning (by the time you see this). just don't die laughing.
and someone once had to ask why i'd never go to china.
nuanced at 9:45 pm
